The Blurry Lines

     So this past year (as in, since graduation) has been one of learning for me. I learned that God loves me, and Jesus died to save me from sin. I learned that you actually have to study in college. I learned that it isn't worth your time and effort to care what people think of you. I learned that some friendships were meant to last, while others were meant to slowly fade away. When I think about it, though, I knew this stuff already. Somewhere inside me, I knew it was all true...I just needed a slap in the face from the universe to realize it. I guess there is only one thing I can honestly say I learned this past year. I learned about the blurry lines...or the gray areas if you'd prefer that.
     I used to believe that the world was pretty black and white. You either like cats or dogs. But I've learned that it isn't really that simple. Some people hate both and really like birds...or elephants. Okay, maybe elephants is a bit of a stretch. And, no, my epiphany didn't come from people's choice of pet. It's much more complicated than that. Today, in social work, we were talking about the gray areas of life, how some things are uncertain. We were talking about how it isn't really known why people become criminals, that it's all just one big gray area. That's what caused me to start thinking about this, about how things you learn in class can sometimes apply to life.
     I've always been known as a person who knows when to draw the line, where the "point of no return" was. Things never got too complicated for me because I always knew when to establish that we were just friends or something like that. I liked my line. It kept things comfortable for me. This summer, though, I became really good friends with a guy. We were super close. I knew what he was doing every second of every day and vice versa. I told him EVERYTHING. Then, one day, my sister accused me of having a crush on him. I was thrown from my perfect fantasy world of perfect friendship. I was forced to ask myself the question: Is this more than friendship? My world was rocked. Where had my precious line gone? I had no idea what to call our relationship. Was it friendship...or something more? It was then I realized that I was in a gray area. One that blurred the line that divided friendship from the things that lie beyond it. For the first time in my life, I couldn't define my relationship, and it scared the crap out of me. I never thought a friendship could grow to something deeper than hanging out and texting. I realized then how attached to this guy I had become. We started talking about what the definition of our relationship was and came up with nothing. We decided that we'd just consider ourselves best friends, and if something happened, then we'd let it. Eventually, the gray area grew so big that I couldn't handle it anymore. I began to push him away until, eventually, he left.
   My next gray area started to make itself known more recently. My family in the Rock made me question my lines again. By joining the Rock, I have learned that, again, some relationships cannot be defined by words. My relationships with my brothers and sisters go so deep, that there aren't words in the English language to define them. They are just a big gray area, a blurred line between friendship and the deeper great beyond. They are my confidants, comrades, advocates, teachers, pals, and many other things (yes I did google synonyms of the word "friend"), but they are much more than that too. They are the greatest people I could have asked for, and I wouldn't trade these relationships for the world.
     Day by day I am learning more about the gray areas of the world. I've started to accept (and actually like) living in the blurry lines of the universe. I have stopped searching for the definitions of everything and learned to live life by the phrase "Carpe diem," Latin for "Seize the day." My days here on earth are numbered, and instead of trying to define the things that make them up, I am learning to accept them for what they are and embrace the blurry lines God has given me. Some of the best things in life just can't be defined.