Guardian Angel

This is something I wrote for class. Enjoy!

            I never really believed in guardian angels or any of that garbage until Chester came into my life. That little ball of fluff and I went to hell and back together, and I owe him my life. This isn’t your typical love story, and it doesn’t have a happy ending. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it just plain sucks, but that’s what makes it life. Anyway, it all started the summer before seventh grade, seven years ago.

            My mom was actually the one who found Chester. He was hiding with the rest of his litter in our bushes. Chester stood out because he was orange (hence the name Chester) among a sea of brown, and he wasn’t afraid of my mom. My sister and I spent the first few weeks after discovering the kittens trying to find wherever the mother hid them. (She tried to hide them again a couple of times a week.) Eventually the mother decided to keep them in the same place, a broken culvert across the street. We then decided to try to get them to play with us. It was a difficult task at first because they were afraid of us. We soon learned ways to lure them to us such as offering them food and dangling weeds over the entrance to the culvert and grabbing them when they pawed at it.

It only took a little over a month to train Chester to come to our voice. My dad was upset about the whole thing, especially naming them, because he knew they could easily be hit by a car because we lived next to a high school, and he didn’t want us to become too attached to them. He talked to people he knew on farms to try to get them to take the kittens to a safer place.

Because we lived so close to the school, I was allowed to go home for lunch every day. I always called Chester and let him hang out on our inside porch while I ate. One day, however, he wasn’t there. After school I learned that one of the people my dad had talked to had come and taken Chester without asking. My sister and I were devastated. We cried until my dad called and got him back, which to us meant he liked Chester, too. Our thoughts were reinforced when he let Chester live in our house during the winter.

I spent all my time outside of school playing with Chester. He was there through it all, the laughter and tears. Chester was there through the worst parts of my depression, laying still as I cried into his fur. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t talk to me, his presence was all I needed. Chester was a constant in my life when everything was changing as I transitioned to high school in a new town. I thought he’d be there forever.

As it happens in life, college came. I moved 150 miles away to go to school. I was home every other weekend, but my mom said it was evident that Chester was heartbroken. She would send me pictures of him sitting outside my door for days after I went back to college. Chester started to get sick, too. We thought it was just a cold and that he’d get over it soon. I mean, he was only seven. That’s young for a cat. My mom’s cat was thirteen and doing fine.

The morning of Thanksgiving we knew something was wrong. He was hiding in my room and wasn’t letting anyone touch him. It was then that the reality of how sick he was truly hit us. He wasn’t breathing properly. It became apparent that he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. My dad started making calls to try and get a vet to see him, as we watched Chester’s condition fail. Twenty minutes later, Chester was dead.

It’s funny how you have to lose something to realize how much you depended on it. I didn’t have my little counselor with me anymore. I began to think about how much he had meant to me. Chester had been there through the worst parts of my life. It wasn’t fair that he was gone just as things started to get better. Those two sentences were on constant loop in my head for the remainder of the day. It dawned on me that Chester was like a living guardian angel, there when I needed him most, protecting me from the dangers of my mind. I understood that he was gone because I didn’t need him anymore. I understood now that he was watching over me now, guarding me from heaven. I was going to be okay.

A Million Little Things

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.  ~Author Unknown


     So I've been doing a lot of thinking today about the past and the people who have always been there. Looking back, there is one person that no matter what has always stuck by me. I don't know why you did it, Rachel, but this one's for you.
     Rachel and I became friends when I started at GICC. I was friends with her friends, so we were basically friends by association. As the years went on, our group of 4 started to change. Sarah changed schools and Tiffany found a new best friend in Heather. With these changes occurring in the same year, Rachel and I were thrown together. Despite the fact that I tried to get rid of her all the time(sorry), she still hung out with me. I was as mean as I could possibly be to her when I didn't want her around but sucked up a lot when I did. Seriously, I was like the world's worst friend. Our friendship was on and off for the duration of our sophomore and junior years. Senior year came around, and Rachel and I started to grow apart. It looked to be the end of an era. But, as graduation grew nearer, we started to talk again.
     I went to Europe for 10 days at the beginning of the summer. When I came back, I started to talk to Rachel. At first, it was because I was bored, and talking to her was something I was used to doing. I hung out with her, because I needed something to do. Things started to change, though. I realized that I actually liked spending time with Rachel. I started to trust her, and we had a lot of fun. By the end of the summer, I was spending almost every day with her. I told her the dark secrets of my past, and she confided things in me. We learned that we had a lot in common, and that we could be as weird as we could imagine being and still seem normal to the other. I could go over to her house looking like crap because I'd just gotten off work, and I knew she wouldn't care. (I like how it was always her house, never mine. I guess it's cause her house was way more fun :P) We started to change each other, too. I brought out the rebel in her, and she brought out the fun side in me. Sure, we had our little fights, but we got over them pretty fast. College was looming over our heads, however, and we knew that soon we'd be leaving three hours apart. We had had literally the greatest summer ever, and it was ending all too quickly.
     Near the beginning of August, a rock was thrown in our path. A friend we had shared over the course of the summer (the one that, with whom we were the Three Musketeers) suddenly wasn't there anymore. He stopped talking to the two of us, and it was all my fault. I thought for sure she would blame me, and our friendship would be over. Luckily, it ended up bringing us closer together. We bonded over our anger and pain.
     As the school year went on, it became apparent that maintaining a friendship from halfway across the state, while on completely different schedules was hard. The texts began to come less often, and it seemed what we'd feared had become a reality. Weirdly enough, even though we only talk a few times a week, I still consider her one of my closest friends. We may not talk as often as good friends, but that doesn't mean we aren't. I know that I can text her whenever I need to talk to someone or need some advice, and she can do the same with me.
     My point through all this is that some friendships can face any test and come through it. Some people are meant to be a part of your present. No matter how many times I tried to get rid of her, she was still right there waiting for me to come back. I guess our friendship was just meant to be. Things have changed a lot since eighth grade, but Rachel has always been there. This friendship hasn't been easy, and at times, hasn't been fun. But, for me at least, it has definitely been worth it.


Anyway, I found some cool quotes (I'm on a quote kick today because I'm not creative):
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  ~Elisabeth Foley
A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.  ~Lois Wyse
Friends are relatives you make for yourself.  ~Eustache Deschamps
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.  ~Anäis Nin

Dancing in the Rain

"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain."
     Seeing as how it has been nice and rainy outside, I figured I may as well talk about the rain. Do you ever feel tired on a rainy day? Well, I did some research like a whole 2 minutes ago, and apparently rainy days make you tired because it's dark outside, and your mind is tricked into thinking it's closer to night. That's just a little fun fact for you.
     Personally, I love the rain. The sound of rain on the roof is soothing to me. I could sit and listen to rain for hours on end. (In fact, I have.) I love thunderstorms too. I like to sit outside and watch the lightning streak across the sky. I don't know why, but storms excite me. I would love to go out and follow a thunderstorm for miles.
     My favorite part of rainy days, as suggested by the opening quotes, is dancing in the rain. It is so freeing to go outside and just spin around in the falling water. I seriously think everybody should try it at some point in their life. It gives you the chance to just relax, and let your worries slide away like the droplets as they roll down your body. Dancing in the rain gives you the opportunity to make something great out of the dreary-looking weather. I don't think you can get full enjoyment out of life until you have danced in the rain.
     Spending time out in the rain, not caring how cold and wet you get is a very freeing experience. You get to let yourself go and just have fun without a care in the world. I love the feeling of dancing in the rain. Just like the musical, singing in the rain works just as well (but is much more annoying to your neighbors). You should try it. Seriously, go outside. Right now. Have fun. Live a little. Learn to live life with no regrets. It makes things much better.

Relay for Life

     So, approximately one day ago, I was in hour 7 of Relay for Life. The whole night was amazing! It was full of encouraging moments, bonding, laughter, and, of course, walking. Lots of walking.
     We were told the story of a girl who started fighting cancer when she was just one and a half. I guess I had never really thought about cancer hitting that young. The reality of how much cancer affects each and every one of us really hit me, however, during the Luminaria ceremony when they called for those whose parent or grandparent had/has cancer to start walking. Seeing majority of the hundreds of people there stand up was shocking. I never really thought about how many people are affected by cancer. It was mind-blowing to me that all those people had someone close to them who was fighting or had lost the battle to cancer. At the same time, it reminded me that we are not alone in this battle. Whether you have cancer or know someone who does, we are all in this together. The battle doesn't have to be fought alone.
     My favorite part of the experience, however, would definitely have to be the bonding. (Now let's see how many times I can use the word "bonding" in one paragraph.) I got to know so many of my fellow Rockers much better last night. The best bonding moments definitely came when we were working together as the Rock. Even though I hate running with a passion, I have to say that the hourly lap around the track definitely gave us all some good bonding through the crazy ways of getting the lap done. Whether it was partnering up, running while holding hands, or blind follow-the-leader, we had plenty of opportunities for bonding with one another. It was great to spend 12 hours with the coolest people I know. As much fun as the running was, the scavenger hunt definitely has it beat for most fun bonding moment. I can honestly say I have never seen scavenger hunt be mixed with musical chairs. It really provided for some bonding when we had to dig through our stuff (and that of those around us) to find items for our friends who were playing. As the game went on, more Rockers joined together to create one giant support team. We cheered on the players and got our adrenaline racing along with theirs as we struggled to find what they needed. All-in-all it was a fun time for everyone, players and observers (who were kind of playing it, too). My last bonding example would be just walking. When you walk around a track with people, you pretty much have to talk to them. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. In fact, it's awesome. It is a good opportunity for, wait for it, bonding. I guess 12 hours together gives you a lot of time to get to know the people you spend most of your week with.
     I would say it was a pretty successful night. If you are reading this, and you haven't participated in Relay for Life before, I would definitely encourage you to try it next time. You're sore and tired the next day, but that's nothing compared to what cancer patients have to go through. You probably have someone close to you fighting cancer. Do it for them. I did it for Sonja and Mrs. Janzen, for Grandma Boettcher, who I never got to meet, for Grandpa LaBrie, for all my aunts and uncles currently fighting the battle. They are worth it to me. So, tell me, who are you fighting for?

Why I Became a Christian

     Since November I've been asked by many people why I became a Christian. I guess it's a little weird that I was atheist one day and a follower of God three days later. Well, people, ask no more. I'm going to take you inside my mind, to my thoughts that late November weekend.
     The first and most important thing that brought me to God is love. Being around Christians (even for a short period of time) exposes you to the love of a family. Not like a biological family. You have to love those people. This is the kind of family you choose to join. The Christian family is one that truly loves one another. It is shown in the way they interact with one another. The first thing I noticed when I started hanging out with Rockers was that they truly loved each other. I had never been exposed to love so deep and supernatural. I thought, "How is it possible for people to love one another this much without God being involved?" This love isn't something that can be described. You have to see it to know what I'm talking about. For those of you reading this who are a part of  Christian family, you know what I'm talking about. It is a bond that cannot be broken but can destroy the walls of anyone's insecurities and disbelief.
     The next thing to bring me to God is beauty. It is impossible (especially with weather like today) to go outside and not see God's wonderful creations. I know it was late November when I started to believe in God, but you can see his beauty even in the worst of weather. The grass, the sun, the wind, the trees, and the squirrels in them were all created by God. I know there is a scientific explanation for their existence, but if you dig deep enough into science, there are things that cannot be explained. That is where God lies. He is in the highest mountains and the deepest ocean basins. It took me until November 2010 to really realize that.
     Some people think I became a Christian, because I wanted to fit in. They think I was "brainwashed" into joining because I was weak and vulnerable at my time of joining Candlewood. To those people I ask this question: If you were to die tonight, how sure are you that you're going to heaven? If your answer isn't 100%, you're going to hell. That's just a straight up fact. God, heaven, hell, it's all real. The reason I was so easily influenced to become a Christian is because I really thought about that. I've been through hell here on earth, and in those late November nights, I realized that the real hell was going to be much, much worse, and it would never end. Eternity living through what I'd been through...times 1000. That is a scary thought. The reality of it hit me in late November. I realized that unless I confessed my sins, accepted Christ as my savior, and started trying to live my life by His example, I was going to toasty-ville as my high school History teacher would say.
     When you put all this into account, why WOULDN'T I become a Christian. It's more than just a religious belief, it's about having a relationship with the Creator of the universe, the Father of all human-beings, the King of the world. The fact that He would want a relationship with anyone is shocking, but He does. He wants each and every one of our hearts. It is said that it is hard to resist someone who persistently goes after your heart. Why, then, do people resist the one who has loved them since the beginning of time?
     I know I became "one of those annoying Jesus people" really fast, but I can promise you this: I'm not leaving as fast as I joined. I'm in this for eternity. If you would like to know more about why I made the leap of faith, you can talk to me anytime. Or, just stay tuned to this blog. I can guarantee I will talk about it again.

The Blurry Lines

     So this past year (as in, since graduation) has been one of learning for me. I learned that God loves me, and Jesus died to save me from sin. I learned that you actually have to study in college. I learned that it isn't worth your time and effort to care what people think of you. I learned that some friendships were meant to last, while others were meant to slowly fade away. When I think about it, though, I knew this stuff already. Somewhere inside me, I knew it was all true...I just needed a slap in the face from the universe to realize it. I guess there is only one thing I can honestly say I learned this past year. I learned about the blurry lines...or the gray areas if you'd prefer that.
     I used to believe that the world was pretty black and white. You either like cats or dogs. But I've learned that it isn't really that simple. Some people hate both and really like birds...or elephants. Okay, maybe elephants is a bit of a stretch. And, no, my epiphany didn't come from people's choice of pet. It's much more complicated than that. Today, in social work, we were talking about the gray areas of life, how some things are uncertain. We were talking about how it isn't really known why people become criminals, that it's all just one big gray area. That's what caused me to start thinking about this, about how things you learn in class can sometimes apply to life.
     I've always been known as a person who knows when to draw the line, where the "point of no return" was. Things never got too complicated for me because I always knew when to establish that we were just friends or something like that. I liked my line. It kept things comfortable for me. This summer, though, I became really good friends with a guy. We were super close. I knew what he was doing every second of every day and vice versa. I told him EVERYTHING. Then, one day, my sister accused me of having a crush on him. I was thrown from my perfect fantasy world of perfect friendship. I was forced to ask myself the question: Is this more than friendship? My world was rocked. Where had my precious line gone? I had no idea what to call our relationship. Was it friendship...or something more? It was then I realized that I was in a gray area. One that blurred the line that divided friendship from the things that lie beyond it. For the first time in my life, I couldn't define my relationship, and it scared the crap out of me. I never thought a friendship could grow to something deeper than hanging out and texting. I realized then how attached to this guy I had become. We started talking about what the definition of our relationship was and came up with nothing. We decided that we'd just consider ourselves best friends, and if something happened, then we'd let it. Eventually, the gray area grew so big that I couldn't handle it anymore. I began to push him away until, eventually, he left.
   My next gray area started to make itself known more recently. My family in the Rock made me question my lines again. By joining the Rock, I have learned that, again, some relationships cannot be defined by words. My relationships with my brothers and sisters go so deep, that there aren't words in the English language to define them. They are just a big gray area, a blurred line between friendship and the deeper great beyond. They are my confidants, comrades, advocates, teachers, pals, and many other things (yes I did google synonyms of the word "friend"), but they are much more than that too. They are the greatest people I could have asked for, and I wouldn't trade these relationships for the world.
     Day by day I am learning more about the gray areas of the world. I've started to accept (and actually like) living in the blurry lines of the universe. I have stopped searching for the definitions of everything and learned to live life by the phrase "Carpe diem," Latin for "Seize the day." My days here on earth are numbered, and instead of trying to define the things that make them up, I am learning to accept them for what they are and embrace the blurry lines God has given me. Some of the best things in life just can't be defined.

First Post EVER

    Hey everyone. Well, actually, there is nobody right now. I'm talking to myself. Lovely. This is my first post in this wonderful world called blogging. Basically, I'm doing this to share my life and whatever random thought pops into my head.
    Today me and three other Rockers went over to the Stehno house to pray for Carole. Carole was such an encouragement to me. Even though she has cancer, she has such amazing faith that God will get her through it. She has no fear of the future and is completely in love with the Lord. I had heard that you get encouraged when you go over to their house, but I didn't really believe it until today. I left encouraged and amazed at the amount of faith one woman can possibly have in her Savior. When asked what we should pray for, she said her scan and then proceeded to talk about what she wanted for her children. Even in this trying time, she puts her family in front of herself. I hope that one day I can have the faith and love exhibited by Carole Stehno.
    My verse for today? "And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for." Luke 11:9 That verse is so fitting for today. Last night, I was having a discussion about how I have been praying since January for a job and have yet to find one, and then I read this today. God really spoke to me. It also fits considering we have a lot of people praying for Carole who have been praying for a long time. It is good to know that God will provide for us if we keep asking him for help.