Ramblings and Weird Thoughts

     Sometimes when I can't sleep, I just think about things. Generally they are pointless things that don't actually matter, but for some reason I can't help but to think about them. I guess I'm just weird like that. Anyway, this is a compilation of the things I think about when I can't sleep. (Yes I write them down.) Some are longer than others because I think about them more often. I hope this makes you think..or laugh. I'll settle for either of those.
     I apologize for starting things off on a depressing note. The worst kind of torture is not physical. Physical pain is only temporary. No, the worst kind of torture is mental. The one place you can never escape is your own mind. Think about it, if someone just sat there and dripped water on your forehead all day every day, eventually you'd go completely crazy. Seriously, I would hate that. What about if they just locked you in a pitch black circular room and told you the key was in a corner? I think mental torture is cruel and unusual punishment. I don't know..just something I thought of.
     Another thing I thought of... Whoever said cheerleaders are the most talkative people in high school was not around speech kids enough. I mean, those of us who were on speech team know what I'm talking about. You're literally trained to talk for 5 or more minutes with few pauses. I mean, yeah, you gotta pause to give your audience time to digest everything but not a long enough pause for someone to be able to interject in a normal conversation. I was on speech team, and my speech friends are some of the most talkative people I know. I just don't understand how nobody has caught on to that yet. Maybe it's because speech kids are considered nerds, so nobody talks to them. I don't know.
     Okay, so since this is a blog, I feel as though I should bring up blogs in general. Just the name, blog, shows how lazy us Americans are. Blog is short for weblog. American's are just too lazy to keep the extra two letters on the front of it. Is this really how lazy we've gotten? We can't say weblog? We have to shorten it to "blog" because it's easier to say? It doesn't make any sense to me. Why was it shortened? Did someone just decide we had too many two syllable words in the universe and that we needed another one syllable word? Americans are just lazy I guess. Actually, I don't guess. I know it.
     So, I was thinking about the movie Dodgeball last night, and I was wondering, of all the mascots Globo Gym could have picked, why in the world would they pick a purple cobra? I mean, what's so menacing about that? Okay, cobra I get. They're creepy, gross, slithery little things, but purple? There is nothing, and I mean nothing, menacing about the color purple. I would probably laugh if I came across a purple cobra. If it was a normal brown-ish colored one, I'd probably scream and run away. Purple? No. Maybe they're trying to sound weak, so they can take their opponent by surprise. Or maybe White Goodman is just crazy. I don't really know. I just think it's funny.
     Last one, I promise. Okay, so remember when you were a kid, and you did something really stupid, and there was that classic person there to be like "I'm telling everybody!" Or if you broke something it was "I'm telling mom/your mom." Now, if you were in the same situation, kids would say "I'm putting that on facebook." I just find that really funny. Everything now is about phones, the internet, or something made by Apple. Back in the day we didn't have those luxuries. (I used to make fun of people who said that. Look at me now.) I don't know. (How many times have I said that now?) Technology is crazy. It is advancing obnoxiously fast. I mean, that's good and all. Another thing about technology, how come we can come up with these thin little touch screen things that do everything, but we can't come up with the cure to the common cold? Apparently it's super complicated or something. I am really bad at science, so I guess I don't really have room to talk.
     Well, that's about it. I don't have anything super encouraging to add to the end of this. In fact, I'm probably going to ramble until I think of a good way to end it. Actually, I won't. I hope I made you think in some way. (Assuming someone is actually still reading this.) Hopefully I provided you with some mental stimulation. Now you don't have to read the news. Lucky you.

Song Lyrics

I have come to the realization that I haven't posted on here in a very long time. Well, I'm not feeling very creative today, so I'm just going to post the lyrics of a few songs that have encouraged me, or I just really like. There may or may not be commentary added by me. Enjoy :)


You Alone- Casting Pearls
I've come to Your throne here so cold and alone
I'm calling on Your name
I lift my hands to the sky open wide and I cry Lord, take me away
Take this heavy heart and this weary soul and set them free
Remove myself till there's nothing left but You alone in me
I'm letting go of all that I know
I'm holding on to You alone
I lay it all down down here at Your feet
I want You alone You alone
If I go to the heavens above Lord I know You are there
And if I make my bed in the depths lord I know You are there
If I rise on the wings of the dawn or settle on the far side of the sea
Even still, Lord, I know you will
You will always be there with me.
I'm letting go of all that I know
I'm holding on to You alone
I lay it all down, down here at Your feet
I want You alone You alone


To me, this song means letting go of your old life, of everything in the past. It's about forgetting everything that draws you away from God and trusting Him with your life. "Take this heavy heart and this weary soul and set them free. Remove myself till there's nothing left but You alone in me." Those are most definitely my favorite lyrics from the song. I have been having issues forgetting about my old life and leaving it all behind. I am struggling between my two lives. To me, these lines mean asking God to set me free from my misery and helping me to let it all go.


Rescue- Newsong
You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You
I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You
My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord, I put my trust in You 
I need You Jesus come to my rescue
Tell me where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I need You Jesus come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
Cause I need You Jesus
Come to my rescue
Tell me where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Won't You capture me with grace
Won't You capture me with grace
I will follow you


This song kind of goes along with my favorite part of the last song. I like that it establishes that there is no way to be saved, except through God. It also says that there is nowhere else I can go to be saved. I need Jesus to rescue me from everything of this world. 


Savior King- Hillsong United
Let now the weak say I have strength

By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
Let now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed
Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for Your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king
We love You Lord, we worship You
You are our God, You alone are good
Let now Your church shine as the bride
That You saw in your heart as You offered up Your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as Your own
Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for Your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king
We love You Lord, we worship You
You are our God, You alone are good
You asked Your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin
I love you Lord, I worship You
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the Savior King
Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for Your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king
We love You Lord, we worship You
You are our God, You alone are good
You asked Your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin
I love You Lord, I worship You
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the Savior King

I just really like this song. The lyrics show faith and everything God is. It is about giving your everything to Christ just as He gave His life for us. This song is basically what saved me. I was saved a little more than a day after hearing it. I guess that shows the power of words.


So that's it...I could probably post another 50 songs or so, but I actually have chores I should be doing. So..I hope you enjoyed them. Thanks for reading and have a great day. :) (Wow, that was cheesy.)

Po-Po-Po-Poker Face

     So recently I've been trying to teach myself poker. I have it on my phone, so I just spend time trying to figure out the rules and everything. I should have known that I would learn something from it. So, ladies and gentlemen, put on your poker faces, cause this blog is about to go Gaga, not really, but it sure sounds catchy, right?
     The first thing I learned in poker is that sometimes you have to take risks to get anywhere. On my phone, if you increase your bet, the other players tend to drop out, so you can end up winning while having absolutely nothing to work with. Granted, this only works like 1 out of 5 times, so it's best to try this when you actually have decent cards. Anyway, what I learned from this is that if you wanna get anywhere in poker, you have to take some risks. If you fold every time, you are never gonna make any money. You won't lose anything, either, but you will be left forever in a state of monotony. If you risk, say, $50 and end up making, like, $100, then wasn't the risk worth it? By the same standards, if you take a risk and do something you're scared to do, like dance, and end up having a lot of fun, wasn't the risk worth it?
     Another thing I learned from poker is that you gotta keep your poker face on. I'm playing on my phone, so I don't actually need a poker face, but it's still something to think about. It is good to let people know what you're feeling, but not to the extent that they know everything you are thinking and feeling. The Bible says you need to guard your heart. Some say that it is better to wear your heart on your sleeve, but that is only true to a certain extent. If you don't guard your heart, you're putting yourself on the road to heartbreak. If your heart is on your sleeve, it is easier for it to get attacked. This is where the poker face comes in. Some things should just be kept to yourself. Keeping your poker face on is a way to keep your heart protected.
     Most importantly, I learned from poker that everything can give you a lesson. Even the most insignificant things like poker on your phone. There are lessons everywhere you go and in everything you do, you just have to look for them.

Guardian Angel

This is something I wrote for class. Enjoy!

            I never really believed in guardian angels or any of that garbage until Chester came into my life. That little ball of fluff and I went to hell and back together, and I owe him my life. This isn’t your typical love story, and it doesn’t have a happy ending. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it just plain sucks, but that’s what makes it life. Anyway, it all started the summer before seventh grade, seven years ago.

            My mom was actually the one who found Chester. He was hiding with the rest of his litter in our bushes. Chester stood out because he was orange (hence the name Chester) among a sea of brown, and he wasn’t afraid of my mom. My sister and I spent the first few weeks after discovering the kittens trying to find wherever the mother hid them. (She tried to hide them again a couple of times a week.) Eventually the mother decided to keep them in the same place, a broken culvert across the street. We then decided to try to get them to play with us. It was a difficult task at first because they were afraid of us. We soon learned ways to lure them to us such as offering them food and dangling weeds over the entrance to the culvert and grabbing them when they pawed at it.

It only took a little over a month to train Chester to come to our voice. My dad was upset about the whole thing, especially naming them, because he knew they could easily be hit by a car because we lived next to a high school, and he didn’t want us to become too attached to them. He talked to people he knew on farms to try to get them to take the kittens to a safer place.

Because we lived so close to the school, I was allowed to go home for lunch every day. I always called Chester and let him hang out on our inside porch while I ate. One day, however, he wasn’t there. After school I learned that one of the people my dad had talked to had come and taken Chester without asking. My sister and I were devastated. We cried until my dad called and got him back, which to us meant he liked Chester, too. Our thoughts were reinforced when he let Chester live in our house during the winter.

I spent all my time outside of school playing with Chester. He was there through it all, the laughter and tears. Chester was there through the worst parts of my depression, laying still as I cried into his fur. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t talk to me, his presence was all I needed. Chester was a constant in my life when everything was changing as I transitioned to high school in a new town. I thought he’d be there forever.

As it happens in life, college came. I moved 150 miles away to go to school. I was home every other weekend, but my mom said it was evident that Chester was heartbroken. She would send me pictures of him sitting outside my door for days after I went back to college. Chester started to get sick, too. We thought it was just a cold and that he’d get over it soon. I mean, he was only seven. That’s young for a cat. My mom’s cat was thirteen and doing fine.

The morning of Thanksgiving we knew something was wrong. He was hiding in my room and wasn’t letting anyone touch him. It was then that the reality of how sick he was truly hit us. He wasn’t breathing properly. It became apparent that he wasn’t getting enough oxygen. My dad started making calls to try and get a vet to see him, as we watched Chester’s condition fail. Twenty minutes later, Chester was dead.

It’s funny how you have to lose something to realize how much you depended on it. I didn’t have my little counselor with me anymore. I began to think about how much he had meant to me. Chester had been there through the worst parts of my life. It wasn’t fair that he was gone just as things started to get better. Those two sentences were on constant loop in my head for the remainder of the day. It dawned on me that Chester was like a living guardian angel, there when I needed him most, protecting me from the dangers of my mind. I understood that he was gone because I didn’t need him anymore. I understood now that he was watching over me now, guarding me from heaven. I was going to be okay.

A Million Little Things

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.  ~Author Unknown


     So I've been doing a lot of thinking today about the past and the people who have always been there. Looking back, there is one person that no matter what has always stuck by me. I don't know why you did it, Rachel, but this one's for you.
     Rachel and I became friends when I started at GICC. I was friends with her friends, so we were basically friends by association. As the years went on, our group of 4 started to change. Sarah changed schools and Tiffany found a new best friend in Heather. With these changes occurring in the same year, Rachel and I were thrown together. Despite the fact that I tried to get rid of her all the time(sorry), she still hung out with me. I was as mean as I could possibly be to her when I didn't want her around but sucked up a lot when I did. Seriously, I was like the world's worst friend. Our friendship was on and off for the duration of our sophomore and junior years. Senior year came around, and Rachel and I started to grow apart. It looked to be the end of an era. But, as graduation grew nearer, we started to talk again.
     I went to Europe for 10 days at the beginning of the summer. When I came back, I started to talk to Rachel. At first, it was because I was bored, and talking to her was something I was used to doing. I hung out with her, because I needed something to do. Things started to change, though. I realized that I actually liked spending time with Rachel. I started to trust her, and we had a lot of fun. By the end of the summer, I was spending almost every day with her. I told her the dark secrets of my past, and she confided things in me. We learned that we had a lot in common, and that we could be as weird as we could imagine being and still seem normal to the other. I could go over to her house looking like crap because I'd just gotten off work, and I knew she wouldn't care. (I like how it was always her house, never mine. I guess it's cause her house was way more fun :P) We started to change each other, too. I brought out the rebel in her, and she brought out the fun side in me. Sure, we had our little fights, but we got over them pretty fast. College was looming over our heads, however, and we knew that soon we'd be leaving three hours apart. We had had literally the greatest summer ever, and it was ending all too quickly.
     Near the beginning of August, a rock was thrown in our path. A friend we had shared over the course of the summer (the one that, with whom we were the Three Musketeers) suddenly wasn't there anymore. He stopped talking to the two of us, and it was all my fault. I thought for sure she would blame me, and our friendship would be over. Luckily, it ended up bringing us closer together. We bonded over our anger and pain.
     As the school year went on, it became apparent that maintaining a friendship from halfway across the state, while on completely different schedules was hard. The texts began to come less often, and it seemed what we'd feared had become a reality. Weirdly enough, even though we only talk a few times a week, I still consider her one of my closest friends. We may not talk as often as good friends, but that doesn't mean we aren't. I know that I can text her whenever I need to talk to someone or need some advice, and she can do the same with me.
     My point through all this is that some friendships can face any test and come through it. Some people are meant to be a part of your present. No matter how many times I tried to get rid of her, she was still right there waiting for me to come back. I guess our friendship was just meant to be. Things have changed a lot since eighth grade, but Rachel has always been there. This friendship hasn't been easy, and at times, hasn't been fun. But, for me at least, it has definitely been worth it.


Anyway, I found some cool quotes (I'm on a quote kick today because I'm not creative):
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  ~Elisabeth Foley
A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.  ~Lois Wyse
Friends are relatives you make for yourself.  ~Eustache Deschamps
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.  ~Anäis Nin

Dancing in the Rain

"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain."
     Seeing as how it has been nice and rainy outside, I figured I may as well talk about the rain. Do you ever feel tired on a rainy day? Well, I did some research like a whole 2 minutes ago, and apparently rainy days make you tired because it's dark outside, and your mind is tricked into thinking it's closer to night. That's just a little fun fact for you.
     Personally, I love the rain. The sound of rain on the roof is soothing to me. I could sit and listen to rain for hours on end. (In fact, I have.) I love thunderstorms too. I like to sit outside and watch the lightning streak across the sky. I don't know why, but storms excite me. I would love to go out and follow a thunderstorm for miles.
     My favorite part of rainy days, as suggested by the opening quotes, is dancing in the rain. It is so freeing to go outside and just spin around in the falling water. I seriously think everybody should try it at some point in their life. It gives you the chance to just relax, and let your worries slide away like the droplets as they roll down your body. Dancing in the rain gives you the opportunity to make something great out of the dreary-looking weather. I don't think you can get full enjoyment out of life until you have danced in the rain.
     Spending time out in the rain, not caring how cold and wet you get is a very freeing experience. You get to let yourself go and just have fun without a care in the world. I love the feeling of dancing in the rain. Just like the musical, singing in the rain works just as well (but is much more annoying to your neighbors). You should try it. Seriously, go outside. Right now. Have fun. Live a little. Learn to live life with no regrets. It makes things much better.

Relay for Life

     So, approximately one day ago, I was in hour 7 of Relay for Life. The whole night was amazing! It was full of encouraging moments, bonding, laughter, and, of course, walking. Lots of walking.
     We were told the story of a girl who started fighting cancer when she was just one and a half. I guess I had never really thought about cancer hitting that young. The reality of how much cancer affects each and every one of us really hit me, however, during the Luminaria ceremony when they called for those whose parent or grandparent had/has cancer to start walking. Seeing majority of the hundreds of people there stand up was shocking. I never really thought about how many people are affected by cancer. It was mind-blowing to me that all those people had someone close to them who was fighting or had lost the battle to cancer. At the same time, it reminded me that we are not alone in this battle. Whether you have cancer or know someone who does, we are all in this together. The battle doesn't have to be fought alone.
     My favorite part of the experience, however, would definitely have to be the bonding. (Now let's see how many times I can use the word "bonding" in one paragraph.) I got to know so many of my fellow Rockers much better last night. The best bonding moments definitely came when we were working together as the Rock. Even though I hate running with a passion, I have to say that the hourly lap around the track definitely gave us all some good bonding through the crazy ways of getting the lap done. Whether it was partnering up, running while holding hands, or blind follow-the-leader, we had plenty of opportunities for bonding with one another. It was great to spend 12 hours with the coolest people I know. As much fun as the running was, the scavenger hunt definitely has it beat for most fun bonding moment. I can honestly say I have never seen scavenger hunt be mixed with musical chairs. It really provided for some bonding when we had to dig through our stuff (and that of those around us) to find items for our friends who were playing. As the game went on, more Rockers joined together to create one giant support team. We cheered on the players and got our adrenaline racing along with theirs as we struggled to find what they needed. All-in-all it was a fun time for everyone, players and observers (who were kind of playing it, too). My last bonding example would be just walking. When you walk around a track with people, you pretty much have to talk to them. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. In fact, it's awesome. It is a good opportunity for, wait for it, bonding. I guess 12 hours together gives you a lot of time to get to know the people you spend most of your week with.
     I would say it was a pretty successful night. If you are reading this, and you haven't participated in Relay for Life before, I would definitely encourage you to try it next time. You're sore and tired the next day, but that's nothing compared to what cancer patients have to go through. You probably have someone close to you fighting cancer. Do it for them. I did it for Sonja and Mrs. Janzen, for Grandma Boettcher, who I never got to meet, for Grandpa LaBrie, for all my aunts and uncles currently fighting the battle. They are worth it to me. So, tell me, who are you fighting for?